uncleal's Diaryland Diary
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Amanda Fucking Crouse
I know, I know. It's late. What the hell am I doing up so late? Well, I'll tell you. Tonight was poker night, and I convinced the gang to stay for a third game... so we were out late. And while I don't usually let stupid bitches keep me up thinking angry thoughts, on the way home, I got to thinking how nice it would be if the sperm doner spent some time with his kid. And his next day off is Tuesday, so I was thinking that maybe the three of us could go to a movie at the Lowe's theatre where they have mommy and baby matinees.
Then it occurred to me that since Tuesday would be his first day off in quite a while, his dumbass wife would demand that he spend time with her and their daughter. Now. I'm sure this sounds to you like I was some sort of stupid girl who let a guy who was cheating on his wife and family get her knocked up. But no. He and his wife were separated for over a year when we met, and we had our own very real relationship together. Then, when I was five months pregnant with his only son, she called him and whined to him about how leaving him was the stupidest thing she'd ever done, and she wanted to get back together with him. And. AND. AND she only did this because she had heard about an hour earlier that I was pregnant. She KNEW we were together long before that, but she had just heard that I was pregnant, and wanted to take him away from me. She is the A#1 psycho-bitch. She takes the cake.
And to be honest, it's not like he left me for her. No. I forced him out, because he couldn't guarantee me that he'd not leave me for her eventually, nor could he promise me that he wouldn't 'cheat' on me with his wife. (I put "cheat" in quotes because I realize how dumb it sounds to cheat on your girlfriend with your wife.) However, if he had been able to make those promises to me, like he should have, I would've been able to keep him, and I'd have a full nuclear family. Which is what I was supposed to have. Instead, I am a single mother. And don't get me wrong, I LOVE my son. I love having him all to myself. But I wish his father saw him more often than once a month for five minutes while he's on break at work.
To make matters worse, within weeks of leaving me, he knocked her up. So now they have a daughter together, and his dumbass wife thinks that it's ok to demand that he not see me or his son.
She also has a problem with his parents seeing me... not that they listen, fortunately. She is afraid that they'll love my son more than they love her daughter. Which is rediculous in and of itself. It becomes even moreso when you consider that her daughter makes number 11 in the line of grandchildren. He already has one daughter who is 17 years old, and his two sisters also have children. His parents have managed to love each of them equally, and treat each of them as best as they are able. Making sure to go to graduation parties, and birthday parties, and the like. They also have a great-grandson who is only a few months older than my son. So. She's an idiot who is a total home-wrecker if ever there was one. Because not only did she break up my little nuclear family, but she also is trying to rip apart her husband's relationship with his parents. I can't fucking stand her. I can't comprehend what the sperm doner is still doing with her. And I can't fathom why she thinks she's the only one that matters.
A little more background on the situation:
* They don't live together. She's 28 or something, and lives at home with mommy and daddy, and refuses to try to get a place with him. He's 37 and lives at home with mommy and daddy, and CAN'T get a place on his own due to youthful indescretions.
* He cheats on every girl he's ever been with. I have no actual proof that he ever cheated on me, but I'm pretty sure that he did with an 18 year old bitch-slut.. but she's another entry.
* He cheated on the mother of his first daughter with his now wife, and cheated on his now wife with at least three people I can think of off the top of my head.
* He realizes she is crazy. But he obviously realizes that he's running out of options for women who approve of him and his behavior.
* I probably would've had to dump him eventually, because there's a lot I can put up with, but he'd more than likely have crossed that line... and probably pretty quickly.
* This does not mean that I ever would have expected him to stop seeing his son, nor have I ever told him that due to his deplorable acts I am keeping his son away from him.
* I am with someone new. My new someone is a wonderful man who is being the best fill-in for my son that he can be, while trying to not step on any toes, or cross any boundries.
All of this having been said, I fucking hate this little cunt-whore-bitch. And while I cuss like a sailor, that is not a phrase I use often. She is such a fucking mental case, and I wish upon all that is good and holy in this world that I get the chance to meet her. I would love to tell her to her face how much of a... a... damn! There's nothing vile enough to properly describer her, but you get the point...
I have sevral diaries. One she reads.. and reads often. So I have gone on at least one or two diatribes about her in there. And I'm sure you're reading this thinking, "Why do you waste so much energy on her?" And I'll tell you why. Because my son does not know his father. When he sees him, he crys like a stranger has tried to give him candy. And my son is a beautiful, friendly boy who mostly will let anybody hold him. The crew at poker night, all take turns holding him for good luck. Girls at the office I used to work at have passed him around like he was a precious juju. With his own father? He cries and reaches out for Mommy. This hurts me because I want my son to know and love his father, and to feel as though his father loves him, too. I am very sorry that I ruined his life before he ever had a chance, by choosing such an unworthy mate for his father. I also know that my boy wouldn't be the same child he is if I'd chosen someone else, but I wanted so badly to provide the proper home for him. One with a mother and father who love each other, and love him. One where he could watch and learn love, instead of just having to take my word for it. I wanted a home in which discipline and forgiveness came from a team, instead of it seeming like the crazy bi-polar switch of his lonely mother. And instead, he has the worst sort of dead-beat dad. Oh, sure. I get my child support checks. Which most single mothers would stop reading right here, and say that I'm asking too much to want his father to love him, too. And maybe I am. But this is what I want. The worst of it is, that his father claims to love him. Claims to want to spend more time with him. Claims that the reason he doesn't is to not upset his fragile wifey.
And while I find it hard to believe that anyone who loved their son would allow a stupid bitch to stop them from seeing him, what am I left with? I already have enough anger for him, and his actions. What I have for her is the spill-over. But there is a LOT of anger here. There is so much, that I can't think a simple thought like, "Gee, wouldn't it be nice to spend a day with my son and his father, so they could hang out and get to spend some quality time together," without spending the next hour or so fuming over why that's not possible. And I know. I can hear you. It's not just her fault. And she's probably just an excuse for what his behavior would be anyway. But since I have a target, I'm aiming for it.
I hope to GOD, or GODDESS, or WHOMEVER that I someday meet this wretched bitch, so I can tell her what an ass she is. I want to make her cry. I want to see her lose control of her limbs, and fall on her ass with uncontrollable sobs. I want to see her contemplate suicide. I want to watch her come to the realization that everyone, including her daughter would be better off if she changed, or left. Because it's true. Her daughter will only learn to be like her, if she continues this way, and there's no reason for more women to be like her. She is a disgrace to the gender. She is a disgrace to the race. (BTW, I mean race as in human race, not the color of her skin)
I have so much more to say on the topic, but it just gets repetitive from here. I'm going to call the sperm doner, and chew him out until he hangs up on me. And while it is still on the psychotic side... he works nights, so it's not as though I'm waking him up to rant at him.
Thank you for taking the time to read this... If you made it this far, anyway.
Right now, this journal has no readers, actually, so possibly, none of you will ever read this entry. But it makes me feel better to think that some of you may go back into the archives and read all the posts thusfar. It shouldn't take long... most of them are blogthings.
2:00 a.m. - 2006-05-19
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