uncleal's Diaryland Diary
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LOL
Ha Ha Ha Ha. Mwa Ha Ha Ha. Hee Hee Hee. Oh, goodness, me! I can't stop laughing!!!! My very best friend in the world, once-upon-a-time, (read: no longer) is so screwed up in the head! She tries so hard to make me believe that she "doesn't care" what I'm up to. But she stalks me like a [poorly] trained assasin... and then she works REALLY hard to avoid me. She's such a nut. I admit I still check in on her little website. Because it's habit. Now, she's taken it down, and left "Go Away" in it's place. Now, keep in mind, I do not keep tabs on her actual doings, and I haven't tried to find her new journal (yes, she cancelled her old one to keep me out, and I backed off from there), I simply am used to checking out her website. It amuses me, because she is always crying about something, and everytime I see her latest "woe is me" quote, or her teary-eyed webcam pic... i giggle softly to myself, and think how lucky I am to not be wasting my efforts on trying to cheer her up anymore.
Of course it would be best for her if she could just be cheerful.. not simply put on a show of it, but truly count her blessings. Because when she was trying to "put on a happy face," it was fake, but she was fun. And when I thought that was the real her, I loved her. And so taking care of the miserable schlub she really is, was OK. But as time went on, and I realized that she was just miserable all the time (and I mean all the time... I'm gonna ramble here in these parenthesis for a minute. She had no boyfriend, she was all "Life is terrible cause I'm lonely." She got a boyfriend and her mantra became, "Life is terrible because my boyfriend didn't call me today." She had a job: "They don't pay me enough." They gave her a raise: "The commute is too far." She got a new job, closer to home, and with EVEN MORE pay: "They don't keep me busy enough." Nothing was ever good enough for her. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when she finally decided *I* wasn't good enough for her either), I started to drift away from her. Nobody wants to hang around somebody who is miserable all the time. In my lifetime I have been hurt, and lost so much more than she could imagine, and I still manage to wake up most days with a smile. And I don't cry myself to sleep more often than maybe 2 or 3 times a year. She used to call out of work to sit home and cry when her fuckbuddy decided he'd rather fuck someone else.
Anyway. I started this journal in my head earlier today, and this wasn't supposed to be the first entry, but I was doing my usual checks before getting my journal started, and I happened to come across her little message. It cracked me up.
I don't often revel (is that the right word?) in other's misery, or psychotic behavior, but in her case she has tried so hard to hurt me, that when I see she's flustered, it just makes me smile.
I kind of feel like going on a rant about her, so that I can get it out of my system. It may not do the trick. I have a lot of pent up anger where she is involved. It comes from being a genuinely good person who tries to do nothing but the best for people and having that attempt thrown in my face just because I am human and have my own feelings. In fact, I may have to rant about two such unworthy bitches if I get started on this.
Bitch #1. Dana L. Parisi, Esq.
She isn't really a lawyer, that's just how I see her name anymore... from back when we were friends and my boyfriend (who was actually her friend first) referred to her as his attourney becuase they were both pretty obsessed with the movie "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas."
I'd like to describe how I met Dana. Well, our actual first meeting was at a diner one night after a regular Saturday night viewing of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" in Mt. Ephraim, NJ. I was about to have some people to my house for a party, and I wanted to know if anybody knew them so I could get a feel for what I was in for... or something. I don't really have a clean recollection of that evening. I may have already had them to my house, and wanted to share some story about how they behaved. I dunno. At the time I asked the question aloud, and she laughed, because she used to fuck the boy in the couple, and she thought it was funny that someone was asking about him. And while my story doesn't really start here, I wanna make one more statement about that. She was fucking the guy.. Marty, and I think she was falling for him in a "I fuck you often enough, we ought to just make it oficial," sort of way. So they made it official. Then he realized that some 14? year old girl (he was like 24 or something) was a better bang than she was, and so he cheated on her with the child. This made Dana cry. Now she blows the whole thing off as if he didn't matter, and it was just the principal of the thing, she was closer to his age 22-ish? and he chose some child. But in actuality, she had hoped he would be hers forever. (And still does wish that she could have had him, but plays it all off as though she doesn't.)
But to the actual 'beginning' of our friendship. I was dating this guy. John Lieske. He was what you would call.... manicly depressed. I seem to go for the weak, and depressed. It may seem like predatory, but in actuality, it's because I have this strange need to feel like I'm doing something to help. And you can't easily help those who are happy and have their shit together... so I wind up with the whacko's. Trying very hard to break that trend, but I don't think I'm doing so hot. Anyway. John and I were dating. He was casual friends with Dana. One night I was horny after the weekly night at "Rocky Horror Picture Show" to be known hereafter as "Rocky," and I was in a mood to eat some pussy. I looked around, and propositioned the local lesbians. They agreed that I could come home with them if I was still interested at the end of the night. I wasn't thrilled with this choice, because well, let's face it, they were butch, and I like my girls to be kinda .. I dunno... girly. So Dana comes over to our (mine and John's) table, and she's drunk. Drunk and horny. And straight. But I proposition her anyway, cause I figure, what have I got to lose? The worst that happens is she says no, and I go home with the lesbos. Shock of the evening; she says yes. But she needs to shower first. I think yeah, I should shave my legs, so we agree to go back to her place and shower together before the deed is done. My poor boyfriend comes with us to her house, but is left in the other room and gets none.
After that night, John goes out drinking with Dana a few times. I think nothing of it, cause I was too young to drink, and I am egotistical enough to not believe that anyone would ever want to cheat on me. (I rock in bed. And I'm sexy as hell. And I don't give a shit what my boyfriend wants to do.. go out with the guys, play cards, video games, get so drunk he can't see, whatever, as long as they give me what i need - sex, hugs, and space.) Eventually I reallize that John gets ornry when he's drunk, and I don't like to be around him when he is. So, some months later he throws a party. I choose not to attend this party even though we live together and it means that I have to find somewhere else to be all night. Easily done, I had a friend who was a night owl anyway. So I go to his house and watch movies like "BaseketBall" and listen to some really fucked up music. Around 7am, I start to feel lousy about not being home with my BF, so I leave my friend's house, and I go home. I find the door is not only locked, but is also chained. I knock, and my BF comes to let me in... in his PJ shorts. There are some people littering my living room... and Dana is naked in my bed. I realize what this means, but I take it pretty well. In fact, I started to offer a 3some, just because I was tired and wanted my bed back, and I thought this would do the trick. Problem: When tired and ticked off, it's hard to get yourself in the mood for a 3some. So I say something stupid like: "I'm too tired for all this, you guys do what you need to do." In my warped brain this meant, "Get dressed and get the hell outta my bed." To them, it meant: "Have sex and then pass out, while I try to sleep on the floor in the living room with the rest of the party's leftovers."
Needless to say, I dumped John. There was some off again, on again type stuff. I never chose to take the title girlfriend again, because when you're not official, he can't cheat. And neither could I. So now he's doing me and Dana. Separately. A lot. I was doing him and a few others, myself, so I had no complaints. And the entire time all THIS was going on, he's telling me she fucks like a dead fish. He tells me he wishes I would take on the title girlfriend, because then he would have a nice way of telling her to go the fuck away. I told him that's not how I operate. He can fuck her if he wants, and he can fuck me when I want. But, I do not go back out with ex's. Ever.
A little time goes by, and John invites me to a party at his best friend's house. I show up fashionably late, and he's already there with Dana. Apparently, this was supposed to make me so jealous that I lost control, and demanded that he leave her and come back to me. Ooops. Instead this told me that he had made a choice, and I wasn't it. So I fucked his best friend. It felt good to get my revenge, and also be fucked well, for a change. His best friend and I started dating... casually at first, and I was doing them both. Oh, did I mention, that while John was telling me that Dana was a limp rag in the bedroom, he was telling HER, that he loved her? So the poor girl is under the impression that I was out of the picture. And that she was his new girlfriend. So the sumbitch is CHEATING on her with me. I always found that part of the story hilarious. I was alwasy honest with all my partners that they weren't the only partners. I didn't want some stupid boy's heart getting in the way of my barely legal teenaged fun. Eventually, the best friend and I got more serious, and I stopped all my fucking around. John, I don't think liked this. He called me up, or IM'd me, or something, and told me he was really depressed about something and he could use a friend to talk to. Being the type to always help when asked, I went over to comfort him. I still had the key to the apartment, so when I arrived I let myself in... to find John and Dana eating Taco Bell and talking. When Dana saw me, she flipped, and stormed out. I told John he couldn't invite us both over, and now that he had her, and I had his best friend this had to stop. But before I could finish saying all this and leave, Dana came back. Words were said, I thought I was being witty, she did not. She grabbed my hair, and kneed me in the head a few times. I've never fought anyone successfully in my life, so I took it.. laughing the whole time, but I did nothing in return. Shortly, John broke it up. She told me later that I was lucky she was only wearing sandals, or I would have been kicked repeatedly, as well.
The story should have stopped there.
But it doesn't. I had gotten her on-line journal address from John's computer before all this began, and I started reading it. Mostly to satisfy myself that John and her were a good match and that they were happy. However, what I discovered instead, was that John cheated on her with none other than the 14 year old girl her previous boyfriend had. And while now, I find this histerically funny, at the time, I felt bad for her. Except for the fact that she had kicked my ass, I never really dis-liked the girl. It wasn't her fault that John was such a dumbass. And while I always thought she was a lousy mother (oh yeah, she had a 7 or 8 year old daughter at the time, but she was drunk aaallllll the time, and she drank in front of her kid), she didn't seem like the type of gal who deserved being treated as poorly as her two most recent boyfriends had treated her. So I sent her an email. Well, actually a few emails. Telling her that I was sorry that John turned out to be such a cad, and that there were no hard feelings on my part. I invited her to a party at my house, and told her that I would be coming in to the party late, so she would have time to get drunk and feel comfortable by the time I arrived. Warily, she took me up on the offer. She reported to me later, that she thought I was going to have my friends hold her down while I kicked her ass, to get back at her. Why she came if this was the thought, I'll never know. When I got there, she was rolling her ass off on 'e' and told me she was very happy that I had invited her down. From that point on, she came around and hung out a lot. My boyfriend (who never cheated on me) had a lot more in common with her at the time, so they were actually the two that became friends, first.I was just happy to see her feeling better, and watch her realize that it wasn't something wrong with her that had her last two beaus chase after that other girl.
Each weekend, she would come down to visit us. I was a dancer at the time, and had boatlads of money. We liked to party, and she was a single mom, so every weekend, when she would come down, she had a dollar to her name. I bought the drug of choice for her, my boyfriend, and me. This usually ran somewhere in the vicinity of $200/week. I also picked up the tab at the bar that we started each party at (Applebee's). I just liked to have fun. And I wanted everybody included. The way I saw it, money, or the lack thereof, shouldn't stop somebody from beong able to hang out with me. I never made a big deal of it. I never kept track of how much was spent. I just didn't want the fun to end, or be marred by someone not having a good time.
Eventually, winter wore into Spring, and Dana and I went to Six Flags Great Adventure together. It was there that we realized what we had in common. Besides all the drugs that made us feel happy, and feel like nothing in the world could go wrong (at least until the drug wore off, and left us depressed), we both LOVED being at Great Adventure. We rode all the roller coasters, we rode all the little rides, we had a blast walking from one end of the park to the other finding each ride more enjoyable than the last. And the whole day was the best either had ever had, because we were both so giddy to have a friend who felt the way we did. That day we dubbed ourselves "Great Adventure Soul Mates." And truth be told, I don't think I'll ever stop missing that aspect of her. I'm sure I will still have a good time at Great Adventure, but I don't know if I'll ever find the person who compliments me as much as she did in that, and various others, amusement park. It was after that, that our friendship was more than the weekends of drugs and the occaisional 3some. It was then that she and I had officially become closer than her and my boyfriend. It did not end her friendship with my boyfriend, it just shifted the balance.
Some time after that, my boyfriend began to dabble with drugs that I had never chosen to experiment with. Our relationship (mine and BF's) had had it's ups and downs, but I couldn't handle the way he was abusing his already struggling body. I had lost my mother, and wasn't prepared for another loved one to die too young for words. And we argued over this a LOT. He didn't think it was that bad of a problem, I didn't want to find out how bad it could get. I started to look for a way out of the relationship. A good number of my friends had offered to put me up at their houses until I could save enough to get my own place. I found reasons to turn them all down. Not that I didn't appreciate their offers, but I knew it would have been a bad situation in each case, and if I was going to leave my situation, it had to be to something better. Dana had been noticing that my boyfriend wasn't as cool as she had once thought he was either. And she started to ask me how I put up with his nonsense. I told her my plight, and she also offered to let me move in with her and her daughter. This offer I accepted, because I already knew that I liked her daughter, and I knew that she and I got along well. All of the time. And I knew that she had had roommates before, so she knew what it took to live comfortably with a different personality. So I moved into Dana's 2 bedroom apartment. I took the dining room as my own, and managed to live ther quite happily and comfortably for a long time. Now, I had quit my job as part of the move and Dana allowed me some time to get a grip on my new single life without paying rent, or bills. I took my sweet time doing this, but we both figured that since I had spent so much money on her in the past, and I wasn't incurring any more bills than she was already paying, it was OK.
During this time Dana and I met a boy. (I just realized that I left out a small part of the story... Dana had found a boytoy while I was with my boyfriend. She told us all that she wanted to keep him solely as a pet, and never meant to get serious with him. Then she got serious with him, and it was drama the whole time. He would forget to call when he was supposed to, and then drop out of life for days on end. He may have also cheated on her, or... well I dunno. I remember there was this other girl that Dana didn't like him hanging out with, but I think the deal was that this other girl wanted him, but he turned her down... she didn't get the hint. I'm not entirely sure. The long and the short of that one was, she would have these nights where she would be crying over this boy, and my boyfriend and I would invite her down to hang out with us to be comforted. This put a bit of a strain on my relationship with my boyfriend, but in hindsight, since I didn't end up with him, and was happy about it, I didn't really mind.) This boy we had met had come into our lives through a friend of ours, as our drug dealer. We wanted pot, and our other friend was unreliable, so we went to his source. As this boy is currently on my shitlist, but only because he's too spineless to have his own opinion, I won't use his name here. I'll call him Fred. We called Fred with our order, and expected to meet him somewhere to pick it up. Instead he told us that he had to do some shopping at Wal*Mart, and that he would drop it off to us when he was done. We were impressed. Of course when it took him far longer than we expected to arrive, we were annoyed. But when he showed up, he stayed and watched a movie with us. Flash Gordon Have you ever watched "Mystery Science Theater 3000?" You know how the two robots and Mike Nelson (or sometimes Joel) sit in the corner of the screen and make jokes all the way through a movie? Well, Dana and I did this a LOT. It was sort of a part of who we were. And most people are annoyed by this behavior because... well because it's annoying. You miss out on sometimes important dialouge because you're laughing so hard at the last joke. Not Fred, though. Not Fred. He joined right on in. ("level 6 is closed, please choose another level") And, after the movie, he sat out on the back porch with us and talked for at least an hour. Again, this was something that most people found annoying. One, we didn't smoke cigarettes in the apartment. So if you wanted a cigarette, you had to go out on the porch (it was january). Actaully Dana didn't smoke cigarettes at all, so this is why the rule was in effect. Two, Dana and I had so many inside jokes, that sometimes we seemed to alienate any other person trying to hold a conversation with us. But Fred stuck it out. He chimed in. To put it mildly, he fit right in to our little friendship. With him, we were a cirlce of friends, and not just two girls who never seemed to tire of each other's company. We invited him to return any time he wished, and I think we made actual plans for his return. Dana predicted that he was going to fall in love with one of us, and it would ruin the circle of friendship. She was half right. Fred kept coming around. He played Mario Party3 with us. He watched movies with us, and through it all, he smoked pot with us. And of course was still our "dealer" although in that vein he really just picked up from his guy for us without upping the price at all.
Eventually, he fell in love with me. And I admit, I was partially to blame for this. I flirted with him. It's in my nature to flirt with pretty much any available boy, and he was available. I had no actual intentions of being his girlfriend, because I was afraid that it WOULD ruin the cirlcle of friends if he and I became an item. This of course, did not stop me from sleeping with him. Nor did it stop me from spending time at his house without my beloved Dana. And eventually we went on a long road trip together to Texas, among other places, where we got our first tattoos. When we made it back to NJ, I was calling him Pookie, and his pet name for me was Kitten. Despite myself, I had fallen in love with him. This made me angry since I had meant specifically not to do that. So I always tried to keep him at arm's length. I treated him poorly. And it amazed me that no matter how poorly I (and Dana) treated him, he always gladly came back for more. Looking back, I wish I had not treated him so poorly. He deserved better. But I always comforted myself with the fact that he never seemed upset with his role in our lives. And even though I know I should have been better to him... hell I knew it then to, I just didn't know how to fix it... I don't think we would have made a very good couple. And now he's married to the very fat sister of Dana. And I guess they're happy. And all I want is for him to be happy, so I guess it worked out. I also got a job when Fred and I returned from our road trip. And once I was gainfully employed, I started to help out with the expenses. I payed a small portion of the rent.. maybe a third? and I payed for all of our recreation. Bars, movies, drugs.. whatever we were doing for fun, that was my responsibility. Bills, and the other two thirds of the rent fell to Dana. Now, I don't want you to think that this meant I wasn't kicking in for a lot, because we went to a helluva lot of bars. And we smoked near an ounce a week of some really good/expensive pot. This was the first time in my life that I was single. Since about the age of say 15, I had had one boyfriend after another. I always managed to have one within days of losing the last one. And it had been bad. Until I was 18, I cheated on all of them. And I never really gave myself the opportunity to figure what I wanted in a boyfriend, because I wasn't picky. I took on whoever was available at the time. I dated a lot of losers. I almost married one of them. So, during this single time, I did what a lot of other girls have done... maybe not to the extent that I did, but it's not completely uncommon. I slept around. I would pick up minorly interesting boys at the bars, take them home with me, or go back to their place with them, and had wild nights of drunken sex with them. Some of them I called again, most I did not. I even got bored of that scene, but not bored of one-night stands, so I started using a dating site which was perfect for me, because it was all based on vanity. You decided you think someone is hot, they decide if they think you're hot, based on a picture and you trade emails. If those emails are mildly interesting, it's up to you to decide what happens next. I chose to allow an awful lot of them to take me out. All of the first dates were disappointing, and not all of them ended in sex. I had this notion, though. I decided that in order to get the sexuality out of the picture, to make sure that the guy wasn't putting on his best act just so he could get a peek at me under my clothes (I find that if a guy is putting on his best act, I am quite easily fooled), I would answer the door for these dates naked. I would time things so that I was either still in the bath, or just finishing up. This also allowed Dana some time to make her judgements on each guy, which she shared with me later whether I asked or not, while I was getting ready. What I've just shared, about my "dating" life, Dana seemed completely hunky-dory with at the time. She laughed as I told her the problems with each guy, and sat bemused while I explained the reason for having sex with one guy but not another. She told me she understood. and she had her fair share of meaningless sex with guys from bars, or frat parties, but for the most part she was much more low key about it than I was. There's a 2 1/2 year difference between Dana and me. She's older. She also has a kid. So I figured that since I knew about her wilder days when her daughter was much younger (having a gaggle of guys over to her place, and lying in the bedroom calling out "Next!" when she finished with each one... taking different guys from the same circle into the "bootie room," often being the "other woman" but rarely the girlfriend... etc), that all of this was just old hat to her, and that I'd eventually grow out of it. I just needed some time to "get it out of my system" as it were. This backfired on me, since she often quotes this behavior as the reason she hates me now. There came a time in all of this, that I met a boy who was very special to me. He was everything I'd dreamed of thus far. He was punk (tattoos all over his body, and piercings throughout his face, and other *ahem* areas), he was working in the music industry (monitor guy for a favorite band), he smoked a lot of pot, he had a great sense of humor (one of his tattoos was a pez dispenser, and the instructions on how to load it, and in his movie collection is "Plan 9 from Outer Space... I love Ed Wood!), and he was as laid back as I was with letting others do as they pleased. Did I mention that he is still to this day probably consistently the best sex I'd ever had? What I mean by that is, I may have had a few sessions here and there with others that were better, but I've never known anyone to do that well, EVERY TIME. Everyone has their off days. Not this kid. Nosireebob. Of course, as luck would have it, he was going though his I'm-single-for-the-first-time-in-years slut phase, too. So, I had no chance of making him my boyfriend. I made myself content to visit him whenever the band he was working with was playing in my area.... Oh yeah, this reminds me. I had secured myself a pretty good job by this point, and worked everyday from 7:30am -5pm, but I still managed to go to bars5-6 nights a week (including weekends). Dana, who had a child,could really only go out on the weekends, because she didn't have a baby-sitter for mid-week jaunts to the bar. This fact I think made her a bit jealous. Although she claimed to not even want to go to the bar that often... which may have also been true. I'm only guessing on that one. Anyway, back to my punk. I was retarded for that boy. And by retarded, I mean RETARDED! I was pretty much at his beck and call, and I thought of him non-stop in between meetings. And while the sex was H-O-T hot, it was more the rest of the stuff I mentioned earlier that I thought about. Being that Dana and I are Irish, we made sure to celebrate St. Patty's Day like it was our own freakin' birthdays! We would go to South Street in Philly, and do what became known as "The Waltz." To most normal individuals, it's called a pub crawl, but to some idiot we accidentally met in one of the bars it was "The Waltz." We found this hilarious, so we sort of picked it up. Since my punk boy is also Irish, I invited him to join us. He said he didn't know what his plans were, but to call him when we got near his house (a block off of South Street! did I mention how cool that is, too?). Which we did, and he did. So the three of us proceded to get rip roarin' drunk. I got a little too drunk, and after agreeing to a 3some, vomited and passed out. Dana and punkboi took this as permission to just have sex together, which kinda hurt my feelings, as it reminded me so much of the first boy to have sex with Dana while I was in the other room. But, this time, he wasn't my boyfriend, I had no claims to him, and I had drunkenly given them permission. If I recall correctly, Dana even came up and asked me directly if it was ok that they were alone together while I puked. So they went to his room, I passed out downstairs. When he had satisfied her, punkboi came downstairs, and woke me up for a little satisfaction of my own. Then we both went back upstairs, and finally had the 3some we had decided on the night before. Things got a little wierd after that. I no longer had a monopoly on eagerness for punkboi's attention. Dana realized somewhere in all of that, what it was I saw in him. And we decided the best way to handle the situation was to not make him choose either of us, but to keep him around as our new pet. This was going well, for about a week. I noticed he was spending much more attention on her than on me, and I couldn't really handle it. I didn't want to compete for his attention, and I couldn't stare down the possibility that he might make the decision on his own to be with just her, so I backed off, and gave them my blessing. There was a little bit of a positive side to my decision. I really believed in my heart of hearts that this guy was a good guy. The kind you could trust. The kind that if given half a chance could really make some girl happy. And Dana had never had a guy like that. Every guy she was with was faithful to her for three months, and then Wham! in bed with some undeserving bitch. And I thought that if punkboi was gonna make one of us happy, it should be her. I'd had my fair share of marriage proposals, and while none of them had worked out, I at least knew that I had been loved. She never had. The problem was this: punkboi wasn't as cool to her as he should have been. He continued to try to sleep with me. I shunned his advances, and had convinced myself that by doing this I was handling the situation. This is when I started to lie to my best frind. I didn't tell her that he told me that she was a lousy lay (as had every other boy I'd known that had slept with her), I didn't tell her that he wanted to get me back in the sac. I didn't tell her that her new boyfriend was a creep. The kind who would flip-flop between friends if he could get away with it. And once the lying began, I couldn't stop. I didn't tell her how watching her be so sublimely happy with punkboi made me sick. Sick with jealousy because it wasn't me, and sick with rage, because he didn't deserve it. I didn't tell her when he eventually cheated on her, how I hated to see her mope after him. Not only was it getting repetitive that she was crying over some guy who didn't treat her right anyway, but this time I felt that I could have helped her avoid the whole thing by being honest with her in the first place. But now it was too late. If I told her that he had tried to sleep with me after they decided they were a couple, I would have sounded like a jealous friend making up stories to hurt the one person in this world that I ever truly loved up to that point. But not telling her was putting a distance between us that, as it turns out, could never be bridged. So he cheated on her. After much deliberation, she forgave him. He admitted to me later that he had hoped it would be an end to the relationship. He didn't have the balls to tell her that he didn't want to be her boyfriend... well actually he had told her that once, but she chose not to believe him, and talked him into changing his mind. Dana and I went to Florida with her daughter, her not-fat-at-the-time sister, and Fred. Fred and fat sister had been dating for some time by this point, and the plan was for Fred to propose to fat sister (who again, wasn't fat at the time) in Magic Kingdom in front of the castle, during the fireworks display. I never felt particularly close to fat sister. She was out of Dana's life for most of our friendship, and when the prodigal sister returned, I just didn't like her. I had too many stories of what an ass she had been, and she was a little more girly than I can stand in a friend. Also, I was kind of put off that someone was dating my Pookie. Even though I didn't want him, and wanted him to be happy, I didn't like that I no longer had the kind of power I once had over him. I also didn't like that I couldn't even be catty about his girlfriend, because she was my best friend's sister. AND the vaction was kinda touted as being all about Dana's daughter. Dana and I had gone to Disney World the year before without her, on the promise that we were going to get the drive to do all the stuff we wanted to do there out of our system, and bring the daughter the following year, and let her lead us around the park. I was all for this idea. But as it turned out... that's not how it happened. And this made me angry. Also (can you tell this wasn't a heavenly vacation?), I had just started dating a boy and he was calling me everyday to talk to me, and I was in the puppy-love stage of the relationship where I actually wanted to talk to the guy everyday. So they were all getting mad at me for not being a part of the group, I was mad at all of them for not actually making the trip about the daughter, and had been distancing myself for months... it just wasn't working out well. And at one point tensions had gotten high, and Dana's daughter, who I thought of as my friend, not just my friend's daughter, hurt my feelings. not much, and not really intentionally. It was simple. I was trying to tell her it was ok that she didn't want to do a ride, and I went to give her a hug. She shrugged my hug off in a whiney "get off of me!" sort of way, and I forgot for a moment that she was only 11, so I flipped her the bird. I don't remember what she did after that, but what ever it was, Dana only cought her daughter doing whatever, and she scolded her for it. I tried to tell Dana that she was reacting to me, but she said it didn't matter, she shouldn't have done it. When the story gets told now, I didn't try to defend her daughter's actions, and I 'allowed' her to be yelled at for reacting to me , and I'm an ass for having flipped her off in the first place. I'm th grown-up after all. And I agree wholeheartedly with that last part. I should have never lost my cool with the kid. The last day of the vacation, we were all (minus the daughter) going to get tattoos. I had made it a little tradition of my own to only get tattoos while on vacation, so they would also have the memory attached to them. I was going to get a peace frog tattooed on my shoulder blade, fat sister was going to get a tattoo she already had fixed up a bit, Fred was going to have additional runes put on his shoulders where he had gotten his first set in Texas, and I don't remember what dana was going to get. But they were all supposed to be small, and quick. The artist couldn't draw a peace frog without a picture, and I had stupidly left all pictures of peace frogs at home in NJ. So I decided to get the nintendo logo on muy hip, instead. It was still meant to be small. But the artist had gone on this kick where he said it should be bigger, and we added the old school paddle to the design, and it went from being something quick to being a 3 hour project. This was fine with me, cause I wanted a tattoo. Dana got upset for whatever reason, and now, at the end of a trip that was supposed to be about her daughter... her daughter who is an artist, and was having a blast drawing tattoos... a trip that had been about anything but her daughter... now she throws her daughter's happiness in my face. Now she tells me how dare I force her daughter to sit in a tattoo parlor for 3 hours while I get work done. She decided that now she was in no mood to get a tattoo herself, and she wanted to leave. I told her to go ahead and go, that I would gladly take a cab back to the hotel/resort but I wasn't backing down on getting a tattoo. We were all pissed off. Fat sister and Fred because this was drama at the end of their vacation, and how dare I make sister Dana mad, after already not really being part of the group. In all actuality, Fred probably wasn't actually mad, but the girl he had just proposed to was mad and he knows his role in that situation. Dana was mad, because she put her foot down, and for the first time, I didn't back down. The daughter? She seemed ok, but it's always best to side with Mommy in these situations... so you get the idea. The friendship was irreparable by the time we got back. punkboi had cheated on Dana once again, and she was devastated... again. She couldn't bring herself to have fun at all anymore. The boy who called me everyday while I was in Disney told me he couldn't have sex with me now that I had a giant Nintendo tatto on my hip, so we broke up. I met the world's most amazing guy at my office, and we started dating. (By "amazing," I mean that I'm amazed that a man like him has managed to make it 36 years without his own family turning their backs on him. But he's another story.) Dana often complained that I wasn't there for her anymore. My new guy had tried to include her in our outings. It succeeded once. She came out to dinner with us, and she was happy for about 2.5 seconds. Then she was crying into her margarita. I didn't know how to live with her after that. Many times before I had offered to move out, or had tried to get my own apartment, and she was hurt that I'd leave her. Now, she seemed to welcome the idea of being rid of me. And while it hurt like hell that my best friend now couldn't stand the sight of me, I had thought that maybe moving away, giving some space, maybe that would help heal the gap. Like the coward that I always have been when it comes to confrontation situations, I moved out one day while she was at work. I moved into my beau's parents' house. And lived there for a few month's before getting my own apartment. All of the above, is just back story. Just enough to explain why I am so angry about the following. She has since done everything she can to try to hurt me. Nothing works, because nothing hurts like losing her friendship. But that hasn't stopped her from: *writing hurtful emails to me (which all in all not such a big deal, except that I never realized how little our friendship really meant to her, until I got those emails. Up until then, I thought she loved me the way I loved her) *posting rude hurtful comments on a message board (albeit, HER message board, but still... it's the internet. she didn't deny access to anybody) *telling a local radio DJ that I was living in a trailor in my boyfriend's parent's backyard (this one really just made me laugh, but it's the principle of the thing) *deleting my posts on her message board (again, no biggie. just principle) *cutting me out of all the pictures on her website that used to be pictures of us... now are just pictures of her (it's like she's trying to erase me from her memory. Which I could get a handle on if it weren't for the next one) *posting nude pictures and dancer pictures of me on an attack account she created about me on MySpace.com. It's gone now. Been taken down. But the account profile, which was supposed to be mine had some pretty shitty stuff on it. Some of it true. Some of it exaggerated. Some of it out right lies. I knew it was there, and I let it be there, because the people who I know on MySpce, friended the profile anyway, to let both me and her know that it wasn't going to convince them that I was actually scum. I think it really pissed her off when punkboi friended the profile. That's when she took it down. But while it was still up, if you sent email to the profile's email addy, even if you came right out and said "I know this isn't Ally," she would reply with a "yes it is..." pathetic. *she stalks me and keeps up with my every move. And even though this site has only been up for a day, I'm sure she'll have found it by the time I go to bed. I almost kind of feel like saying hi to her here, just so she knows she's welcome to stay if she'd like. *I forgot one... she changed my password on my AIM accout so that for a while I couldn't get in to it. Funny thing about that, she didn't delete her screen name from my buddy list. That always confused me. And the new password that she put on it? GFYA which stands for "Go Fuck Yourself Allyson" I thought it was clever. I laughed. And then changed it.... who knows what else she changed on me. I've forgotten more places and accounts than I care to count.. or could since I've forgotten them. *and now this little "Go Away" message on her website. This one makes me laugh. I laugh because she's never gone to the extreme of trying to force anyone out before. When other people she didn't like continued to check in on her, she laughed them off. Even wrote extra journal entries just for them. Me? Me she shuts out. I guess I meant more to her than she'll admit. Well, if you made it this far... I'll tell you about bitch #2 some other time
1:25 a.m. - 2006-04-28
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