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uncleal's Diaryland Diary


boredom rears it's ugly head

Have you ever been so bored you thought you might explode?

I think I have reached my breaking point of how much nothing I can handle. My life is about to change drastically, and I keep telling myself this. I keep reminding myself that in 10 short weeks, I will be moving to sunny beaches, and stay-at-home mommy-ness. And that after I deliver this baby which is growing inside me, my life will be so full of taking care of family and home that I will have no time to complain about the monotony of working a 9-5 (8-4:30) job. But in the meantime, my whole life consists of wake up, go to work, come home, eat dinner, watch one tv show - if that, go to bed. Nothing new ever happens, nothing fun ever to write about. The weekends are the same thing. The most I might do on a weekend is go shopping, and even that is done either alone, or with my sweetie and child. I never get to hang out with my girlfriends, I never get to stay up late giggling about boys, and I haven't been really drunk and frivolous in a really long time.

Even before I got pregnant this time around, going out drinking was done in moderation, and I never let myself get so drunk I couldn't drive. This mostly had to do with my fear that if anything happened to me, my son would have no decent people to raise him. I know they said that having children changes your life, but when you see people who have children and still get so drunk they're surprised they don't get arrested or killed, you assume that you will still have nights like that. Then you come to the realization that those people are lousy parents, and if their kids don't turn out messed up, it is by the grace of god. Because there is no chance that I could turn off the part of my brain that worries about what would happen to my boy if I either didn't come home one day, or came home unable to play with him, or otherwise take care of him. But all of this is not to say I don't miss my youthful indiscretions. In fact, it is to say quite specifically that I do, indeed miss them.

I did get to spend the night at my girlfriend's house on Thursday so I could bring her daughter into the office with me on Friday. That was fun, but of course, I was supposed to go to bed early, and so while I was having a good time, I was also worrying about how I was going to be awake enough to drive the next day. And I had to give up talking long before I was ready just so I got a few hours of sleep. It was fun, and I would like to do it again. Especially before I make the permanent move to being too far for a quick drive to her house. I have to figure something out. I wish I could quit my job early and then I could spend lots of time over there.

I just sit here most days anyway. I stare at my computer screen trying to find some way of looking busy. Some days I have actual work to do, and I do it, some days I make stuff up. Most days I do a lot of little things, just so I have a big stack in my out box. I wish they could just pay me for staying home. I'd be about as useful if they forwarded all calls to my house line, and let me use outlook from home. The rest is all piddly stuff I'm leaving for my replacement anyway.

*SIGH* Sorry for another rambling boring entry. I guess it's easy to tell how bored I am, if I can't even come up with something to say, and I still don't want to quit writing. At least writing in here sounds like hard work from where my boss sits. Although I finally hooked my computer speakers up to my MP3 player, so I don't know if she can even hear me typing away in here. It's a very eclectic mix of music, so it makes me very happy to hear the crazy changes the player comes up with, as it switches from Steely Dan to Guns 'n' Roses to Paul Simon and on to AC/DC. When Run DMC comes on, it really throws me for a loop, no matter what came before it.

I guess I'll let you go now. No point to making you live vicariously through my boredom. "I hope I'm not bringing you down." Sparkly prize to anyone who knows what movie that's from.

12:58 P.M. - Monday, Mar. 19, 2007


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